I'm drive I can fine osifer
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
