Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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