It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
