all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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