I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
