I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
