I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
