I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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