I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
