Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
