i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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