I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
