My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
