Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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