Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
