Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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