Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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