So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
