it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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