All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
