dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
