Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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