You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
When are your genitals available?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
