I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
