where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
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