Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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