U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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