Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
