she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
