Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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