i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
