due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
