I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
