i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
