I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
