speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
