you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
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