Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
