once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
