Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
