it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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