I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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