But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
