i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Everyone says I win the strip club
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
