Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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