Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
