I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
