the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we're making bets on your personal life
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
