i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
