Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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