C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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