You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
